


guide to player killing in sburb

by drasini



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-24
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-02-11 11:00:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2065626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drasini/pseuds/drasini
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>not done yet</p></blockquote>





	1. wip index

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not done yet

**section 0: wip index**

 

**-**

[shit you should know](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2065626/chapters/4490181)

_in depth analysis of **[Phrenic Phever]**_

_how to submit heads to the scoreboard_

-

 

-

[what to do, and what not to do](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2065626/chapters/4490205)

[coping with murder](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2065626/chapters/9991802)

[so you have a friend now](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2065626/chapters/9993959)

_what's with all the tyler references?_

-

 

-

[general class evaluation](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2065626/chapters/9991058)

[general aspect evaluation](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2065626/chapters/9989021)

_building blood_

_building breath_

_building doom_

_doom recipes archive_

_building dreams_

_building fate_

_building flow_

_building heart_

_in depth analysis of the heart thing_

_building hope_

_building law_

_building life_

_building light_

_building might_

_building mist_

_alternative ways to build mist_

_why mist is awesome_

_building mind_

_building rage_

_building rain_

_building rhyme_

_winning rap battles with rhyme players_

_building sand_

_building space_

_building stars_

_building time_

_dealing with time players_

_building void_

_how to avoid mentioning void_

-

 

-

_history of bugs and sequence breaking in sburb_

[great bugs to abuse greatly](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2065626/chapters/10005197)

_in depth guide to wrong warping_

_beating sburb in a month flat_

-

 

-

_goodbyes and realtalk_

-

 

-

[personal stories](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2065626/chapters/10109654)

[archive of scoreboard](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2065626/chapters/10034375)

_miscellaneous information_

-

 


	2. what to do, and what not to do

**section 4: what to do, and what not to do**

 

once you've begun your streak of endless shenanigans (if you so choose to describe murder as such) you might have a lot of people chasing you, and a lot of people wanting you dead. worse, if you finish your session with anyone other than you alive, word's going to get out that you're killing people and shit like that. in fact, that might be why you're looking for a guide on how to pk: because you're totally about to get fucked up by the next crowd of faggots waiting to skin you alive because you got away with killing shit and fucking bodies (disclaimer: i do not fuck dead bodies, but i do have a buddy who does. it gets lonely out here.)

 

************************

what to do

************************

 

*** kill absolutely everyone ***

if, after you've entered a session, you feel the need to satisfy  **[Phrenic Phever]** by killing someone, you will have to kill everyone else. i already elaborated on this earlier. if word gets out that you've playerkilled, you're probably gonna get playerkilled right back. worse, if you've got a nice number of heads to your name, you'll probably have other playerkillers looking for you. more on that later.

 

*** properly collect loot from corpses ***

b-b-but subtleGraces! loot doesn't stay with you from game to game! yeah, it fucking doesn't, but you know what does? memories. and also  **[Phrenic Phever]**. if you want to make sure that you receive any sort of relief after killing anyone in a session, you need to make sure that you get some gratification for a kill. most often you'll want to take someone's Sprite Pendant, their boonbucks, and most importantly their laptop, as it can be alchemized with your own in order to attain a connection with their server host, which means that you can find anyone who's hiding from you or WORSE, _finishing the game behind your back_. let me fucking tell you, i've had too many of my friends get caught up in their killing spree, racking up on heads, only to suddenly be teleported to the end to a big black void full of three faggots wanting to kill the shit out of him. don't let that fucking happen. which brings me to the next point.

 

*** take people out one at a time ***

this should be obvious, right? if you're going to kill people, you don't want to be outnumbered. although some more robust players have reported that killing several people at once more effectively satisfies  **[Phrenic Phever]** , those same players usually get shat on because they get addicted to that shit. never let yourself became a slave to  **[Phrenic Phever]** , because soon enough you'll start doing stupid shit, and then you'll die. and nothing's more pathetically hilarious and ironic than a playerkiller getting playerkilled, or shit even worse being so silly that they get killed by a normal enemy. shit, man.

 

*** properly evaluate a game's given aspects ***

it's simple. sometimes, your aspect just isn't going to cut it in a 1v1 fight against another. players of might won't be able to brute force a fight with a player of light, a player of void can't fight a player of mist when they're too busy being everywhere at once, and no one can kill a time player who's fed to shit and is teleporting EVERYWHERE with stupid time shit. when you start a game, talk to people, see who might be more capable than you in a fight, and if you're worried that you won't be able to kill them before they come tumbling down with red eyes and shit screaming  **fuck you faggot** then play the game normally. don't kill people, and if  **[Phrenic Phever]** is hounding on your ass, just kill people who were going to die anyway. remember, you don't have any skills. anyone with better attack damage than you will kill you. all you have is the weapon in your two hands, and insatiable bloodlust. don't be a fool about it.

 

************************

what not to do

************************

 

*** don't let people see your skilladex ***

okay, why would you let anyone see **[Phrenic Phever]**? you might as well be like a child molester showing their niece photos of a little girl they fucked to death. don't do that shit, don't let anyone see it, and if a particularly smart person (probably someone who just got out of a game with another pker) asks for skilladex reports, just kill them man.

 

*** don't be a fag about it ***

this one will be especially hard to you ex-moba players. when you're going around killing people, don't laugh and spam "ez" into whatever chat system you happen to be using, because the bigger your stupid shithead, the harder your stupid shithead falls off your neck and onto the ground. it sucks, man, seeing people think that this shit is supposed to be funny or a game. i don't give a fuck if you got like eighteen heads, man, this shit ain't no game, and you aren't gonna be laughing about it. all you're going to do is kill people and get that shit over with, man. fuck.

 

*** don't talk to the space player ***

to most experienced pkers, this should be obvious. space players will read your shit like a book, and they'll know exactly what you're up to. you speak a word to them, or look them in the eyes, and you're done. they know what you're up to. and while space players may not be particularly robust or great at fighting back when you got them stuffed in a box naked and gagged, they're gonna have some great synergy with a time player, and that time player will  _fuck your shit_ when they hear the news that you've been going up and down town putting your penis in some limp, dry mouths. (disclaimer: seriously i don't fuck dead bodies) now there is an exception to this rule, thankfully, since good space players will read you like a book if you don't talk to them ENOUGH. go through a game long enough without killing anyone or even really thinking about it, and space players won't know shit. so if you don't have any good way to kill a space player (OI LADS WHY DO I KEEP FALLIN THRU THE SPACE PLAYER'S PLANET??) then just wait it out, don't kill people, and soon enough they'll feel safe and probably come to you. then you'll come on them HA!


	3. general aspect evaluation

**section 9: general aspect evaluation**

 

as said in the last chapter, not all aspects are equal. everyone knows that time and heart are op as hell, everyone knows that it's nearly impossible to kill a rhyme player because they're so  _cool_ that you just can't. so here i'm going to give a quick rundown of what you're going to want to do to make sure all fights are in your favor, and if they aren't, how to get the fuck out of dodge. just because a glorious victory when the odds are hilarious amounts of unfair will probably chill  **[Phrenic Phever]** for a whole damn session doesn't mean it's worth it.

 

************************

carry aspects

************************

**DISCLAIMER: DO NOT PLAYER KILL IN A GAME WITH CARRY ASPECTS IF YOU ARE A HARD SUPPORT ASPECT. YOU WILL DIE.**

**SECOND DISCLAIMER: DON'T BITCH AT ME BECAUSE TIME, HEART, OR BLOOD CAN KILL LIKE EVERYTHING. I ALREADY SAID THAT NOT ALL ASPECTS ARE CREATED EQUALLY.**

 

*** blood ***

players of blood are headstrong pieces of shit who will cheat their way into victory in any fight, ever. i would go as far as to say that blood players are the tankiest pieces of shit you will encounter, and you will almost definitely get killed by them if you aren't also a carry aspect. seriously, you think that you've got these fuckers, and they'll just shit out an instance of  **[The Pulse]** and BAM! they're back to full health and you're standing their with your dick in your hand. of course, if the fight is incredibly in your favor, then you just may be able to take them out again or even kill them before they can channel  **[The Pulse]** , but you probably won't unless you're a player of time.

there is one incredibly advantage to fighting against a player of blood. if you get in a fight with multiple people and a player of blood is there,  _you can bait them into killing their own team mates just to kill you_. of course this requires some extreme mind games, and it's probably only possible to a very, very fed light player, but the potential is there. these assholes will go into a rage so intense that no one can stop them. except you, hopefully.

GOOD ASPECTS AGAINST BLOOD: heart, hope, light, rage, time

 

*** breath ***

i hate breath. they've got great escape-based skills, usually just vanishing and then reappearing behind you to whack you in the head with a hammer. on top of that, they have massive AOE damage, with the only downside being how hilariously slow their shitty windy skills are. really, a fight with a breath player can go very well if you just learn their skilladex in and out, and make sure to know what to do for every one of them. if you hear a little wind coming, then chances are within a minute you'll be hit by a massive wall of air. go up or down, and it can't hit you. or, if you're might, just pull out a shield or tree or some shit and hide behind that.

really, just remember that breath is the most predictable aspect. they're all about combos. you learn the best combos, you'll be able to predict what skills they're ABOUT to use based on what skill they just DID use. i've never had any trouble killing a breath player, so usually they're the butt of my jokes. HA.

GOOD ASPECTS AGAINST BREATH: blood, doom, dreams, fate, flow, heart, hope, law, life, light, might, mist, mind, rage, rain, rhyme, sand, space, stars, time, void

 

*** dreams ***

you know how i said that breath players were all about combos? these guys are like that except even moreso, and way less predictable. the only reason i think breath is more combat oriented is because a dreams player isn't going to hold their own in a 1v1 fight. if you tank their damage long enough, they'll start running out of ideas, and so they'll be doing much, much less damage to you. the most creative dreams players could last an hour or two. the least will pull off one really nice, flashy combo, and then get shat on when their bazooka just turned into a bb gun. it's funny sometimes, other times it's sad. you might end up killing someone you feel bad for.

want a secret? the easiest way to dispatch a dreams player is through law. curse them from using everything but one skill, and they're done for.

GOOD ASPECTS AGAINST DREAMS: blood, heart, hope, law, light, might, rage, rhyme, time

 

*** hope ***

hope players are either some of the easiest or some of the hardest people to kill. a natural born hope player will likely put up a good fight. that's because they're practically built for 1 on 1 combat, and they will most definitely spam every ability they have at once to nuke you to shit and kill you. don't worry too much about that, everyone knows that playing against a hope player is usually unfair. no one will make fun of you for dying to one in a 1 on 1 fight. my best advice to killing a hope player is to use their absurd amounts of narcissism against them. they're usually thinking to themselves, 'this faggot is trying to kill me? ha! what a fucking joke! this will be easy!' and that means that they're so hyped up on their own glory that the moment you start to have an advantage, they'll freak out and run for it, pissing themselves. catch one by surprise and they'll be scared out of their minds.

someone who's shoehorned into the hope role and has no hope (HA!) as the aspect, like say a space player, will be an easy kill. usually they won't understand that they're based around 1v1 combat, and they'll try to ask for help instead of actually fighting, and they'll get killed. that's great. so just make sure that you find out if they really  _get_ hope or not. if not, great! if they do, boo! catch them at their weakest, alone, and put up one hell of a fight.

GOOD ASPECTS AGAINST HOPE: heart, might, time

 

*** law ***

another aspect, another cheap cheating asshole. law players have some of the best aura-based effects in the game. they can basically play you like a puppet and make you do whatever. they'll use a curse on you and now you can't attack them, or you have to attack yourself, or whatever else. so what's the counter? easy. you'll be doing best as a weaker carry that won't be at a disadvantage if you're attacking yourself. shit like doom, or might (which is really kind of a support/carry combo) or time usually rely more on abilities than anything, and thus you won't get too bruised up when you spend a couple seconds beating yourself up. of course, law players could also be viewed as kinda tank-y, so usually fights with law players go on for a long time. shit, i'll tell the story of my first fight with a law player in the STORIES SECTION, which i will write eventually. i don't know when. usually by the end you're exhausted, sad, and there's no body left to really loot or have sex with. it's kinda tiring. i doubt you'll get much out of the experience if you don't nip the law player in the bud early, when they don't have too many curses or tank potential.

GOOD ASPECTS AGAINST LAW: doom, might, mist, time

 

*** might ***

sitting here chatting with my buddy who's a might player, he's telling me that you just can't kill a might player. they don't die. they're  _designed_  to survive. they lug around giant shields and shit, they've literally walls of ham. well, sadly, due to a series of exploits, pretty much anyone with half a brain knows that blood and heart have such absurd snowballing potential that they can out tank a might player any day. time players can usually just plan ahead and send like a million clones at a might player and kill them with anything, be it fucking spoonkind of gigantic broken piece of shit swords, the potential is endless. doom players might be able to manipulate acids to melt away their giant shitty metal shields, or light players can get lucky and score blows that pierce armor.

the advice i'm giving you is pretty simple. although might players have extreme amounts of defense, that defense is just one wall. there's no depth or layering to their abilities. disable their one single source of survivability, and they're done. that is, unless they panic and use  **[Beatdown]** , which honestly is just a shitty aberration to skills that should never be used. just fuck right off if you see them crack their neck and knuckles, alright?

something else that's cool about might: these guys could hypothetically make good supports! they defend nicely when paired with the guard class.

GOOD ASPECTS AGAINST MIGHT: blood, doom, heart, light, rage, void

 

*** rain ***

wanna know the truth? i've never killed a rain player. since i'm lazy, i'll just copy and paste a section of artificialTellurium's guide to player-killing, which is so outdated it's hilarious. maybe it'll help just a little bit?

"The aspect of Rain is one of the most thrilling and energetic aspects to play as, and player-killing as one is an amazing experience. I think that they're one of the biggest threats to a player-killer, simply because they seem more fucked up than any of us could ever be. The moment they start laughing and spamming you with  **[Phantasmic Youngster]** or  **[Pink Shells]** is one of the creepiest things you'll witness. Countering them, however, can be rather easy if you don't let them play mind games with you.

A good piece of advice is to silence them with a certain aspect that can silence rather efficiently, which shall go unnamed. Rain has no real debuffing abilities to speak of, so whenever they themselves are debuffed they no longer can use their freaky, sugar-filled abilities against you. Silence them, then, as a player of a certain aspect, beat them to death with your fists. They can't do much when your mangrit status is sky high, as it should be as a well-fed player killer."

GOOD ASPECTS AGAINST RAIN: uh, void, i guess?

 

 

************************

support aspects

************************

 

*** doom ***

three fucking words.  **[Even in Death]**. trying to kill a doom player early on, before they've probably used that fag of a skill, will get you killed. so your best bet is to stay near them often, and make sure that they never get very powerful. then, late game, once they've exhausted their ace, kill them off. they probably won't be able to fight back, since they're one of the most limited aspects in game. really, they usually don't have many skills that work well at far range, and as long as you don't get hit by anything poison-related when you get close to them, you'll probably survive. that's cool.

GOOD ASPECTS AGAINST DOOM: heart, hope, light, mist, rain, time

 

*** fate ***

fate isn't much in 1v1. really, no supports except breath are. fate has a lot of great skills for making their friends just fucking vanish to wherever the fuck, making their escape mechanisms actually really robust and fun to use when you ACTUALLY TEAM UP WITH ANOTHER PK-ER (which is implying YOU'RE the fate player, not some other schmuck), but otherwise they're a real bitch when you're up against multiple people, and they're in the back giggling, sending people back to their planets and calling them back when they're all healed up and happy. if you really do end up in a situation where you've got to kill a fate player who's a carry with them, kill the fate player first. it'll make it way easier.

of course, with all people you want to kill as fast as possible, nukes nukes nukes. when you're up against a fate player who has a friend, doom is great for poisoning their friend so, even if they warp back home, they're taking damage.

GOOD ASPECTS AGAINST FATE: blood, dreams, heart, hope, rage, time, and situationally doom

 

*** flow ***

rhyme's uglier, much more retarded older brother. they have one good ability, in my opinion,  **[And It Don't Stop]** , which refreshes the cooldowns on their other, much less cool abilities. guess what? they're useless without a team. flow is like the blood of the team, standing in the back and generally making everyone else look way looker and flashier, giving them fire-related buffs and making sure everyone feels incredibly good about themselves. really, they can SOMETIMES put up a decent fight, because they've got a very, very annoying ability named  **[Firefly]** , which will increase their range against enemies that are running away from them. if you try to get away when the going gets tough, they'll be whipping your ass nonstop unless you have a significant speed advantage. otherwise, not much is going for them.

although they're generally easy to kill by almost any aspect, they have one pretty hilarious weakness. breath players can pretty much silence any of their abilities with their stupid wind shit, as long as they have the foresight to time their abilities so they'll activate on time, what with their ungodly channeling. i think you could kill them in thirty seconds flat if you've got your  **[Play The Wind]** aura active. **  
**

GOOD ASPECTS AGAINST FLOW: blood, breath, heart, hope, rage, time

 

*** heart ***

ha! you have to kill a heart player? alright. maybe you're scared out of your mind because you didn't take this into consideration before you killed your weakling breath player, but you're going to die. almost definitely. there is only one aspect that will work well against heart, and it isn't offense oriented. a player of light can, possibly, snowball even more than any heart player. just allocate a pair of dice to your strife specibus and roll. roll like a motherfuck, nonstop, be rolling. any amount of luck you gain will probably never dissipate as the game intended it to. eventually, as long as you're nonstop fighting things and rolling that dice, every single fight will be in your favor. absolutely every one. if a heart player tries to talk you out of killing people and get into your  _emotions_  it'll probably somehow go wrong for them, and all kinds of right for you.

GOOD ASPECTS AGAINST HEART: light

 

*** life ***

gg ez. for real. life is the hardest support in game that i can think of. they will not be able to kill you if you aren't breath. seriously. all i can say is, if you're up against multiple people and life is sitting in the back, you're probably fucked. in fact, you are fucked, because no killing will get done, and any relief provided by **[Phrenic Phever]** is rescinded when a player is revived through a life skill. that means you'll be in a lot of pain. just take them out alone and they can't do much.

GOOD ASPECTS AGAINST LIFE: blood, doom, dreams, fate, flow, heart, hope, law, light, might, mist, mind, rage, rain, rhyme, sand, space, stars, time, void

 

*** light ***

light is never fair to fight against. going into a fight with them, you will not be able to have any strategy, you won't be able to really do much but hope that they haven't been stacking luck auras, and any dice roll they throw at you will just give you a silly hat. for that reason, there isn't any aspect that actually has a natural advantage against light. however, there are some aspects that may encourage a playstyle that could be distasteful to a light player. blood and rage, namely, as they usually mean beating the shit out of a light player before they can even roll a single die. and then they die. HA.

GOOD ASPECTS AGAINST LIGHT: blood, rage

 

*** mist ***

alright, i'm sure that you're just fucking sitting around like OH MAN DUDE I GOT A MIST PLAYER WHAT DO well guess what, ha! you can't kill mist players. a lot of people try to tell me that mist players have all sorts of crazy vulnerabilities. well, no, they don't, and those people probably haven't played mist enough. mist is the best aspect, and really i'm glad that the sburb coders decided to make it so unbalanced. it's funny really. so, instead of telling you how to kill a mist player, i'll tell you how to kill people AS a mist player.

first off, you're going to want to pop  **[Crystalanthology]**. i don't know what's up with it, but it's some crazy science shit that makes any healing items become auras. that means that being attacked won't dispel them, so you're going to be healing non-fucking-stop. since it only lasts 15 seconds, you need to get a kill in that fast, but shit man it's easy.  **[Crystalanthemums]** causes you to dispel into a field of mist, which is pretty fucking baller, and when you attack to return to a physical form, you get bonus damage. use it to initiate, and then your passive  **[Center of Brilliance]** will debuff them with every hit. that shit is FUCKING TIGHT DUDE

GOOD ASPECTS AGAINST MIST: nothing, faggot

 

*** mind ***

mind pl yers can be a bit of a bitch. similarly to heart, they'll probably try to calm you down. however, unlike a good heart player, once you've calmed down they won't hug you and try to nurse you, they'll stab you through the fucking chest and throw you off a cliff. it kinda sucks. of course, just as you can with a heart player, you can attack with multiple clones if you're a time player. they can't calm you all down. that's probably your best bet, but i'm sure any EDGY, JADED player-killer can't really be talked out of killing forever, not when you have to worry about  **[Phrenic Phever]** , which will almost never leave. if you get bamboozled and talked down, run the fuck away before they kill you, and come back when you're feeling up to it. you've got a hard job, after all. no problem with taking breaks.

GOOD ASPECTS AGAINST MIND: blood, heart, time

 

*** rage ***

rage is the ultimate combat aspect. it's fucking hilarious that grindingGodliest ranks these fuckers as straight up supports. they unload massive amounts of damage, but they don't have a whole lot of health. of course, even when they're just a sliver of their health meter from death, they will still be attacking you, never retreating. they're fast and very annoying. really, i think there may have been an error when rage was coded. i mean, they're the ultimate glass cannon, shit loads of damage and such, but when you're pumping  **[Infinite Rage]** , you don't even want to run away and move quickly. you just stay there until you die.

i think a smart reader would find that to be enough information, but if not, just focus on nuking. a lot. a heart player can nuke like hell, blood can pack a punch, and of course time can summon like a million clone copies of themselves to attack all at once, as long as they're good at micromanagement (but shit, what time player isn't?) just beat a rage player at their own game, do more damage to them than they can to you and you're done. hell, even a space player who's clever enough can kill them in one hit with  **[Off With Their Head]** , and damn is it hilarious to kill someone in one hit.

GOOD ASPECTS AGAINST RAGE: heart, blood, time, void

 

*** rhyme ***

shit these guys are cool, but they can't win in anything other than a rap battle. and trust me, they will probably try to rap battle you. if not, they'll be dropping an absolutely chilling flow regardless because they almost always use the Tech-Hop fetch modus. even i admit that it's fun to use that shit sometimes. of course, as you would expect, a rhyme player operates similarly to a flow player. they apply loads of buffs to team mates, but rhyme's are ice-oriented. the reason i think rhyme is superior is because, unlike flow, rhyme can apply said buffs to himself. don't worry, though, you can melt that shit away as a flow player, and maybe even have a fair and fun rap battle with them if you're a natural.

something i may have touched upon earlier is that rhyme players have a very uncanny passive ability,  **[Drop The Bass]** , which usually makes every other player in the session view them as the coolest person ever, even if they're some troubled teenager without much in the way of confidence. when a rhyme player is laying on the ground, cowering from you with all their abilities on cooldown, you might not want to kill them, because it would just be a fucking disgrace to kill someone as cool as this dude. what do you do then? well... really just like any other mind-warping ability, you get the fuck over it. look at the faggot, crying there on the floor and tell yourself  _hell no they aren't fucking cool_ and kill them.

it still might be easier to make it quick, though.

GOOD ASPECTS AGAINST RHYME: blood, heart, mist, rhyme, time

 

*** sand ***

sand players are a god damn enigma. it seems like every single time i kill one, they've got another ability up their sleeve that i've NEVER fucking seen before. worse than that, they never use any sort of berserk trigger. they're always cool, even when they're about to die. sometimes they're so cool i'm scared to walk up to them to deliver the final blow, because they seem to be fucking faking it to me. oh, and guess what? most of the time, they are. you'll fight for an hour and then they fall to the ground, just sitting, and they'll yell "fine just kill me faggot" and you'll walk up to them, and they stand back up and bitch slap your gullible ass and BAM, the fight lasts like six more hours.

something incredibly important, never turn your back on a sand player. don't run away. only make sure to fight them when you're completely ready. if you start to run, that means you can't see them. and when you aren't looking at a sand player, they will go fucking hog wild. they will shit on you in seven different ways, and you will fucking die. there's no arguing it, you will die, because even  _i_ have died to a sand player, and i was lucky because i had a buddy who was willing to actually fucking bring me back, a faggot player-killer, and then i had to kill them too. you don't want to go through that kind of shit.

GOOD ASPECTS AGAINST SAND: blood, heart, hope, mind

 

*** space ***

here's the sad part about space to any of you white knighting faggots: they're almost always female. and there is one in every session. that means every session, ever, you will have to kill a vulnerable and pathetic space player, because honestly these guys don't have much to their name. they have one nuke that only does massive damage when used as a last hit, and almost every other skill they have is a passive that buffs surrounding players.

space just wasn't made for combat. they're supposed to sit on their planet, alone, collecting frogs and generally maintaining the fabric of reality and everyone else's sanity. they're basically the team mom of the group, and sometimes you can get a little too close to them, which is why, again, you  **NEVER TALK TO A SPACE PLAYER**. just kill them and get it over with. no aspect is bad against them, because regardless of anything you have to kill them. don't plan or come up with a strategy, just kill them before they figure you out. it can suck.

GOOD ASPECTS AGAINST SPACE: it doesn't matter

 

*** stars ***

star players are known for a lot of annoying things. usually because star players, before sburb, were the most popular kids in school that everyone loved, and had rich parents who spoiled them to shit. when they get to sburb, their abilities only reinforce this. they get everything. they're fast, too. super rich, fast moving spoiled brats who will usually whine about everything because they miss their old life, even though their presence alone pisses off everyone because they get everything, even when you kill a fucking imp, that grist will start inching to the stars player. it's bullshit.

stars players are often attracted to big fights, and even worse is that they're already a very roaming heavy aspect. the louder and more awesome your fight, and the more you beat the shit out of the faggot breath player you're fighting, the more they'll want to check out the land of Fags and Butthurt (every breath player's planet ever) just fucking because. oh, and because they're so fucking fast, they will appear out of no where and gank you to shit, then vanish, bringing the breath player with them.

debuff heavy aspects work really nice against stars players. of course, there is one specific aspect we all know is great with debuffs. just use that. god, just thinking of star players pisses me off. fuck, man.

GOOD ASPECTS AGAINST STARS: you already know, dude

 

*** time ***

you always have to kill a time player. they're in every session. thankfully, they aren't as op as heart, but they're up their. usually, you will have to kill a time player over and over and over again. this is both hard, and infinitely satisfying to  **[Phrenic Phever]**. sometimes a non-natural time player will simply end up sending constant fodder to you because of their awful micromanagement, and sometimes you will have to fight increasingly powerful time players until you reach the core one. more detail on it in the STORIES SECTION, but i once had to 1v1 another pk-er, and damn did they know how to make me feel like i was playing an rpg, what with sending different time clones of different power and professions. i almost didn't want to kill him, but shit i sure did. oh well.

GOOD ASPECTS AGAINST TIME: heart, light

 

*** void ***

if i write more than a sentence about this then everything will totally go to sh t.

GO D ASPECT  AGAIN T V ID: hea t, sp c , t


	4. general class evaluation

**section 8: general class evaluation**

 

so get this. i don't think i've ever seen another guide really go in-depth on certain classes, and what they do. that's really weird! it's probably because classes, unlike aspects, don't influence what skills you have. instead, your class influences how you use said skills. you probably know this. usually a class doesn't change the way you're going to be killing someone, so i think it'll be better to just explain how to best abuse your powers as whatever class you turned out as.

 

************************

active classes

************************

**PAGE**

pages are limited exclusively to men. i couldn't tell you truly why, but i think that it may be because a page is a guy. that's just how it is. i don't think that there was any intended sexism there, because their passive counterpart, the knight, can be female, and they're usually as powerful imo. anyway, that means that if you aren't a guy, feel free to ignore this section!

the page is the active combat class, being focused on starting from a blank slate, to becoming the embodiment of their aspect. that means you have a lot of late game potential, and have to exercise extreme caution early game to avoid dying. pages are usually known for their immense outbursts of raw power when they activate their berserk trigger, but shit man you better watch yourself, because you'll probably only be able to use it once, even if you don't die. sburb has some balance, and one of those things are limiting you to only one release of insane energy and death. so practice caution.

so, in order to best abuse your class to gain power, focus incredibly on your endgame. spend lots of time obtaining massive amounts of grist, and never spend it on anything except for the best gear you can make. because of your incredibly mediocre early and midgame, there's no point in making any gear that you would use then. once you can't make anything better than what you have, simply start killing. if you truly have maxed yourself out, you won't be beaten unless you have a very hard counter to your aspect. otherwise, you should be fine.

**WARD**

wards are gender neutral. hurray! too bad it's a shit class.

the ward is at his or her best when they have assistance from friends or followers. for a player-killer, that's bad news, as more often than not you'll be alone in your job, unless you meet a particularly passive player-killer buddy (probably someone with less heads than you who doesn't want to invoke your ire.) there are loopholes to this, but you'll have trouble convincing someone like Jack Noir to join your party when you aren't a light player. so wards of light, good job! you'll probably be okay. anyone else? uh oh!

like i said, focus on followers. don't rush in and kill people, you'll want to make a name for yourself on your home planet and maybe even amass a nice little army of lizard people things. of course, they won't make good fighters, but shit, they'll be a damn nice distraction. if you get a friend to help you pk, then make sure you two have great synergy, for example, an heir would go great with you, since they also are an inheritor, so you literally rely on each other. awesome, huh?

**SAGE**

sage is gender neutral. and hey, this one isn't TOO bad.

sages are all about micromanagement. you'll do great if you just fucking plan ahead. make sure you know what you're going, and guess what? it'll go perfectly. you're the boss at being right if you focus on the little things. the more absurdly detailed your plan, the higher chance you'll have of winning the fight in the end. of course, since classes aren't really ALL THAT important, you don't need all that great of a plan as long as you're someone's counter, or you're fighting a breath player. HA.

wanna know the best roll you can get? sage of time. both a class and an aspect about micromanagement. you could amass an entire fucking army of time clones. even better, you get a ward with you? then now you have a ward who can god damn lead that army into victory. if you don't get that, then just take out a nice sheet of papyrus and your quill pen, and just write out a plan. absorb that plan. it's a shitty, kind of boring mechanic, but honestly. the more you write, the more you win.

**WITCH**

this is obviously female only. shit, it's a WITCH for pete's sake! and sadly, this is kind of a useful class.

i've never been a witch, but usually from observing others it's not hard to catch onto how a class works. witches manipulate their aspect. you could hypothetically combo abilities to mimic other abilities as a witch, because you know that shit inside out. this is NOT an aspect shared by the passive counterpart to the witch, the mage. mimicking abilities is really just for show, though, as you can also use your awesome abilities to, i don't know, just straight up make the best use of your own abilities?

as a witch, you have a couple interesting quirks to work with. all witches are able to use any buffing skills on themselves, even if the skills normally wouldn't be able to do so. it's a good idea to pop a lot of buffs on yourself, as not many people know about this ability, since witches are usually not actually in combat despite being an active class. they'd rather be in the back, doing weird stuff that no one else wants to do. a witch of space would be a really nice combo, i think, for creating the genesis frog, but i've never seen it happen.

**SYLPH**

uh oh, ladies only! oh well.

you're going to probably not have a very good time if you roll a sylph. it will effectively turn even the most combat oriented aspects into hard supports. most auras will now affect team mates as a sylph, meaning if you activate  **[Infinite Rage]** to kill someone, they too will feel its effects, albeit not as much as you. i would normally say that a sylph should simply duck out of player-killing for the entire session, but three to four months dealing with  **[Phrenic Phever]** really, really gets to you.

there is one good thing about being a sylph. your debuffs now are much more effectively, the exact percentage of which scales to your progression in the session. an aspect with good debuffs (you know who) could bring someone down to completely shit stats then simply beat them to death with no other abilities to avoid buffing them.

**SCOUT**

gender neutral.

useless. literally useless. the scout has no actual effects on any of their abilities, and instead gains a few extra that don't really help much except in extremely rare situations. for example, you gain a larger radius of vision, which could possibly be useful as you'll be able to see a rain player coming to gank you, but that isn't that great. most of your newfound abilities are good for simply learning about your environment and work best on your own planet, and usually, you kill people by surprise while they're on a completely different planet. after all, you don't want people on your planet to find your cache of dead corpses that you're fucking, right? HA!

really, my advice about the radius of vision is all i have. at least there's no actual debuffs by being a scout.

**DAME**

female only, duh.

you know, being a dame isn't that bad, i wouldn't think. your buffs aren't quite as useful as a guard's, but you do have some nice tanking potential, which means a dame of might, blood, or heart could definitely put up a good fight. for the most part, you're actually a bit more passive than your own passive counterpart. you tank better, but don't have any great buffs to combat. this mean that you're basically a fucking wall, and that in turns also means that a dame of rage is unbalanced as hell, and is pretty much a winning roll.

a good strategy would probably be to outlast your opponent. you can tank and wait until they're exhausted, then beat the shit out of them. alternatively, if you're already a high damage nuker, then just attack them and kill them faster than they can kill you.

**THIEF**

gender neutral.

neither displacement class is better than the other, and they themselves aren't bad rolls. a thief gains quite a few interesting abilities, such as passive lifesteal when killing enemies, including team mates, thus making yourself gain health as you kill shit. this means a thief nuker can dish out so much damage that they're unkillable in a 1v1 fight. on top of that, using  **[Superego]** , a thief-only skill, you can actually swap health with another person given you have enough time to channel it! honestly, that shit is unbalanced as hell.

really, your best best is to maximize your endgame gear in order to deal the most damage, and just kill. if you're about to die, pop  **[Superego]**. if you're STILL about to die, just run away and regen health fast by killing random fauna, and go back to finish them off.

**PRINCE**

male only, and that sucks because prince is OP AS FUCK.

a prince is defined as someone who "destroys (aspect)", meaning that instead of using your aspect to your advantage, you simply destroy the "metaphorical idea" that your aspect represents, such as light meaning luck and doom meaning disorder. if you get an incredibly general roll, like "Prince of Time", then your buffs will be hysterically amazing. is time not moving (easy with any time artifact)? you get a buff. is it early into the session? you get a buff. have you manipulated time until your session is a fucking mess? you get one hell of a fucking buff. prince is seriously great to roll, sorry girls.

like i said earlier, just be the absolute antithesis of your aspect. this doesn't necessarily mean to work against it, but rather to use it in a way that hurts, instead of helps. don't use light to make yourself lucky, use light to make your enemies unlucky! it's pretty cool...

**CLOWN**

you aren't the clown. sorry.

**WASTE**

gender neutral. thank god.

this is the winning class. you won if you rolled it. simple as that. it's absolutely fucking crazy, i have no clue how the coders of this game thought this shit was balanced. the waste has one single passive skill, and nothing else. no debuffs, only 1 passive buff, titled  **[Temporal Shenanigans]**. it does two things. first, it quadruples damage. this sounds great for aspects like, say, blood and rage. but not so much for life or breath. however, the second half is rather fucking shiny. all of your non-combat abilities gain a combat-based secondary usage. what, a waste of life can't do anything but bring shit back from the dead? guess what, now you have the ability to remove life from someone just like you can give it. what. the. fuck. i would call this the gamebreaker if it wasn't for the fact that you can't roll "Waste of Space" or "Waste of Time". that would be hilarious though, for real.

no need for strategy. you already won.

**LORD**

male only.

the lord is a good class. a pretty good fucking class. if waste didn't exist, it would be pretty much the end-all. sadly, waste does, so lord falls at a pretty mediocre second-best. additionally, the rather shiny potential behind the class is very balanced. as a lord, you will do best when put in absurdly hard situations. the more stacked the battle is against you, the better you'll do. if you engage in a fight against your entire team, you will win. this would seem really nice on paper, but a waste can do the same, and lords have one big issue. they have a natural debuff that slows all progression to a crawl. most great weaponry costs significantly more grist to make, and you probably won't get a friend to make weapons for you, since they'll be dead or hating on you. your echeladder has like a million more levels, and thus scales way more slowly. it's pretty much the perfect class for someone who likes a challenge, but the pay off isn't as good as a waste. oh well.

like i said, you need to fucking persevere as a lord. chances are, if you want to really win, it'll take until you're killing the Black Queen and King to actually reach your final level on the echeladder. thankfully, that's when everyone gathers at the credits screen, and you can kill them all at once. a real test of patience, and the phever will fuck with you hard until then. good luck.

  

************************

passive classes

************************

**KNIGHT**

gender neutral.

the knight is focused on abusing their aspect to the fullest. you usually will squeeze out more efficient use of your skills. i once had a knight of time who barely did anything the entire fucking session, because like a million time clones just did what the fuck ever for him, and the game was easy as hell. seriously. was pretty cool, in fact so cool that i didn't kill anyone the whole round because i was  _scared out of my fucking mind of him_.

abuse your aspect. that's it. even if you would have an easier time NOT using your aspect, use it anyway, because it'll probably end up packing a bigger punch. always use abilities, all the time. never stop using them. hell, even when you're bored, use your abilities to entertain yourself. you'll gain passive buffs.

**HEIR**

gender neutral.

the heir is kind of a lazy rehash of the page, in my opinion. while a page starts from nothing and becomes their aspect, the heir starts from another aspect, and becomes their actual aspect. usually an heir would be much more fitting of another aspect, and they will eventually have to learn to deal with whatever they've been given. this, of course, means the game with be a much bigger learning curve. every quest or situation you're thrown into will clearly be based around another aspect. it becomes incredibly frustrating, but at the same time it might teach you some silly or unorthodox ways to make usage of your abilities. at least the first time you roll heir for a given aspect. any other time, it's repetitive bullshit.

your quest usually introduces you to some silly ways to use your class. you'll do better using your abilities in weird ways.  **[Firefly]** whips running enemies in the ass to do damage, what if you whipped  _yourself_ in the ass for a movement boost? it's pretty weird, i know, but sometimes it gives a few laughs.

**SEER**

gender neutral.

remember how the sage micromanages? you macromanage. your plans have to work out over massive periods of time, usually a whole session, to come to effective fruition. you're going to spend massive amounts of time engineering ridiculous details to completely change the end result of your session (ideally to everyone but you being dead.) it's hard and not very rewarding, but usually seer isn't a hard class to ignore the abilities of. it's a good idea to simply engineer the end result in favor of you winning, and to use your actual aspect to kill people.

there's not much in the way of strategy. you aren't mean to kill, you're passive.

**MAGE**

gender neutral.

man do i love the mage class. it's not the best class and it isn't op as hell, but it's still really nice. a mage's job is to influence the future as much as possible. usually, in a normal session, the mage ends up dying in some heroic sacrifice in order to cause something completely massive to happen that will only be realized much, much later into the future. that means you're really quite important. of course, since sburb is completely willing to ignore prophecies when you're the last person left alive, this means that you can easily kill your whole team off, then do something COMPLETELY AWESOME, and survive because sburb has to make sure that somehow you win.

of course, this means that really you don't have any great combat abilities. you could try to manipulate your buds into being near you when your awesome time finally comes and possibly kill them during that burst of power, but really that just risks you getting killed too. just kill people normally and have fun when your time comes!

**BANE...?**

male only.

i've never rolled bane, and i've never had a bane in my own session. in fact... i don't think i've ever even read about a bane. is this a broken class? i'm totally fucking confused. according to grindingGodliest, the class is a fucking hellhound or some shit? i don't have a clue. sorry.

no strategy.

**GUIDE**

gender neutral.

useless, just like the scout! but not as much. while a scout usually wanders around and reports back with the information he gathers to his team, a guide will work best if he brings his whole team with him. you already have an innate knowledge of the surroundings of each planet, but unlike a scout, you can't gather anymore. this could be helpful a little bit when hunting someone down on their planet, but you generally won't have as much knowledge as a well fed scout or the native player to a planet would. even worse, you actually can't learn much about your own planet, either, because you already start with some already. this makes your main quest absolutely fucking awful. so, in general, you would be useful early game to other players, if you weren't a fucking player-killer, but you massive fall off. oh bother!

really, i guess it's good that you might know more about someone's planet than they do themselves early game, so you could kill everyone off fast. but that would have the disadvantage of having to spend the  _entire fucking game with no help and barely any endgame knowledge_. i would suggest just ignoring your abilities and killing everyone on skaia, the only place you can gain knowledge of.

**GUARD**

male only.

cool class! i already said so earlier, but guards are pretty cool to play as. unlike a dame, you don't start off massively tanky. instead, the more enemies you're facing, and the more into the thick of a battle you are, the less damage you take and the more damage you do. so when fighting a nuking aspect, you'll do more damage to them, and they'll do less damage to do. additionally, you have a passive skill that gives you a bonus damage when guarding someone else. since you ideally don't guard fellow players, it's good to haul around a weak follower when killing people.

kill people in order of most powerful to least powerful. the strongest ones will be easier to kill, thus netting you more equipment to make you better off to fight shit like breath players last. it'll be mega cool to be fighting a weakling after you've gathered all of the op shit the stronger guys had on them.

**ROGUE**

gender neutral.

this class isn't terrible, as i said earlier, but it isn't as cool as the thief. instead of stealing power for your own benefit, you steal power for other player's benefit. that means that when attacking another player, the stolen energy will go... you guessed it, right back to them. thankfully, it doesn't stack, so you don't have any real buff or debuff. this could be hypothetically useful if you have a follower like Jack Noir, or a fellow pk-er with you, but otherwise you're not doing much to help yourself.

if you don't have any followers, just hope that your aspect will carry you. a "Rogue of Blood" will fare fine, a "Rogue of Breath" won't.

**BARD**

gender neutral.

the bard is similar to the prince, but instead of destroying their aspect, they destroy USING their aspect. that means bards of blood, rage, heart, and time are quite fucking unbalanced. your buffs work similarly to a knight, but instead of making better use of an ability (a knight would, for example, have lowered cooldowns on his abilities) you simply do more damage with it. as a debuff, your auras aren't as effective, so gathering followers is pretty much useless if they aren't already pretty robust themselves.

if you're a nuker, then simply spam abilities to your hearts content, and when on cooldown back off for a while. the upside to being passive means your combat abilities don't attract as much attention to a rain player, so nuke nuke nuke! if you're not a nuker, you're lucky in that you may be able to re-function non-nuke skills into nukes if you're buffed enough from your passives. as a support-y aspect, you might be boned.

**MAID**

female only.

maid is useless to a pk-er. in fact, it's a fucking detriment. you're all auras, all the time. all of your abilities are given auras that help other team mates, and not yourself. being a maid means that if you use an ability, you done fucked up. if you're not good with base damage, you're fucked.

good base damage classes like blood, hope and rage can fare fine as long as they don't use any abilities. otherwise, you should duck out of killing for your session, if you can.

**GRACE**

female only.

read what i wrote about the waste. now, completely fucking turn that shit over and make it so that every amazingly op thing you have only applies to your team mates. if you rolled grace, you're going to die. you will accidentally buff someone into oblivion, because all of your auras are passive and will work even if you don't use a fucking skill. just don't kill anyone, even if they're about to die, because you'll try to deliver a killing blow and trigger a passive that gets them back on their feet.

here's your fucking strategy: don't do shit! alternatively, you can follow mellowHype's "theory" in which he states that wastes and graces are balanced in that a game with a waste/grace player will be provided with massive amount of shit aspects, and if the grace or waste doesn't work to their fullest potential, everyone dies... which means a grace that does nothing all game will probably mean your whole team gets killed by npcs. that's bullshit, however, because i've been in a game as a waste and had a fucking "Lord of Time". fuck that.

**MUSE**

female only.

as a muse, you're pretty much a balanced version of the grace (as a grace would be hilariously useful in a game where you're not a pk-er). your passives are now auras, so you won't buff people by accident, and your auras only become as strong as a grace's after massive amounts of work. basically, a muse as a pk class is useless. none of your passives are going to help you, so just kill people with your aspect, unless your aspect is bad.

your auras can be used on yourself, but they will inflict a buff to nearby team mates, albeit weaker than your own. you could try to use this to help, but really it's not noticeable enough unless you waited to end game, and if you waited until the last second, everyone's going to be next to each other, and you'll be very outmatched. that's not good.

 


	5. coping with murder

**section 5: coping with murder**

it's pretty simple. even people afflicted with  **[Phrenic Phever]** can get repulsed with themselves, what with sometimes straight up killing kids four years your junior, or the stress it takes to find someone who isn't like 13 so you can fuck their dead body. sometimes it weighs down on you, and you need to find some sort of coping mechanism. one of the biggest downsides to the pk-ing community is that none of them are willing to let down their weird guise of pseudointellectuality and "cool-ness" to actually connect with anyone emotionally. most of the time, you just have to go at it on your own and keep yourself from just losing it, i guess. and worst, you can't talk to any fellow players, because then they'll probably kill you, or worse, tell everyone that you fuck dead bodies.

 

************************

coping mechanisms

************************

*** music ***

everyone has different ways to deal with killing a person. sometimes they might have to cope  _while_ they're killing a person. i like to listen to music. thankfully, up on the forums (check that shit out @ http://www.ocu3xxh6pk2jprgforums.onion/) there's a subforum for people who actually brought their music devices with them into this game, and the uploaded files from them (it was a fucking MIRACLE when someone uploaded the .exe for synciOS to rip mp3s from iphones, man.) sadly, since a lot of pk-ers are edgy teens, most of the shit you're going to get from there is odd future, waka flocka, kitty pryde, and other mediocre rappers. you get used to it, though, as you can usually view clumsy rap like that as an acquired taste.

a couple weeks ago my pal artificialTellurium actually uploaded an archive of classical music...  i admit that i went through a session listening to it while killing, and it doesn't seem to help at all. if anything, it makes it worse.

 

*** sprites ***

although i said that you aren't going to get any warm fuzzy feelings from our forums (although you can pm me @subtleGraces and we can chat) you might be able to strike a chord with your sprite. after your first game, though, you won't get any custom-made shit. you're just given a sprite you might not know much about. unfortunately, this can result in some unpalatable sprites, but other times you might be given the sprite of someone who was similar to you. good sprites are usually based on children's cartoon characters or the remains of a loved one. sprites of, for example, someone's mother, will treat you like their kid, even if you don't know shit about them. this is fortunate, as they will always comfort you regardless of how disgusting your habits are.

usually using sprites as a coping mechanism is looked down upon on the forums, so really don't bring it up. i'm sure that i'll be getting shit from basedRolex and AT as soon as i put this chapter up, but i don't really give a fuck. really, i would advise you don't bring this guide up anywhere on the forums, i've been getting way too much hate in pms and threads about how much of a faggot i'm being. guess that's the price for trying to kill the circlejerk. whatever.

 

*** more murder ***

isn't that obvious? of course one of the things that drives a lot of pk-ers fucking bonkers is going long periods without satisfying  **[Phrenic Phever]** , so i'm going to tell you to fucking stop that shit and kill things faster. if you feel like you're about to go fucking ape, then just kill something. it doesn't matter if you're outmatched and likely to die, because it's better to be dead than insane in my book. and if you don't die, then you're all good and you feel better. i dig feeling better.

 

*** drugs ***

ha! funny enough, discussion of drugs is banned on the forum. this means that discovering recipes for drugs is absolutely ungodly. some of us, including myself, may have abused like hell before we started this. now there's the upside that healing items will recover you from the most disgusting overdoses or withdraws. so just do whatever. i guess i can share the recipe for marijuana... it took way too fucking long to find this.

 _ONE (1) COPY OF ANY HARRY POTTER NOVEL + FIFTEEN (15) BLADES OF GRASS OR OTHER WEED = ONE (1) SNAPE GRASS_ (what the fuck is this shit anyway? lmao)

_EIGHTEEN (18) mL HUMAN URINE + SEVEN (7) mL OF WATER = TEN (10) mL AMMONIA_

_FIFTY-FOUR (54) mL AMMONIA + THREE (3) SMOLDERING SNAPE GRASS = ONE (1) CANNABIS SATIVA_

haha, sm0k3 w33d every day faggots get puffed up!!

 

*** necrophilia ***

this is probably the second most popular method of coping, and it's definitely the least pretty. on the forum we have a necrophilia discussion board, with a small rape-oriented subforum for people who prefer people alive. occasionally we get actually not disgusting people who ask for a fucking normal sex board (as there are several pk-ers who plan on intercourse on the off-chance that they end up in a session together) but not nearly enough to warrant the creation of one. i personally prefer not to enter the cesspool, as it's already enough weight on your shoulders knowing that you murder, i don't want to rape too.

of course, given that this is a guide that avoids shaming anyone (except faggots and bimbos), i will quote misguidedEnthraller on his guide to safe sex in sburb.

"The alchemiter is completely devoid of any sex-related objects. This means that often you will have to make do in terms of objects for lubrication or general sexual stimulation in case of a rape of a live female or male. In general, some people have taken to using mechanical lubrication. The positive aspect to this is that, despite risk of injuring yourself and extreme amounts of pain, there are incredibly effective healing items than can be alchemized for relief after orgasm. Additionally, most pain is nothing compared to an intense headache from  **[Phrenic Phever]** , and thus there is not much that will surprise you.

For a short stint there was a popularity in using blood as a lubricant. Within a week this was debunked when several people complained of blood congealing mid-intercourse and thus causing an unpleasant experience, but others said that the sensation was interesting, and if given a constant bloodflow, there would always be enough to provide some amount of lubrication. Exercise caution if using non-alchemized blood, as you may catch a disease.

After many smart players were able to alchemize actual foodstuffs, some players attempted to use this. Jelly was offered, but only ended up with the same issue as blood, being that it dried and eventually became sticky, sometimes causing pubic hairs to tangle with each other and cause painful removal. Mixing peanut butter with water is a popular and functional method of lubrication, but the process of removing oil from your penis or the interior of your vagina is usually uncomfortable, and produces unwanted odor. Nobody likes hanging out with the dude who always smells like peanut butter for  _some strange reason_.

A humorous meta has developed in which you can tell a player-killer by what they smell like. If they smell like peanut butter, they're probably going to rape and kill you, in any particular order.

Of course the most obvious solution was presented when someone finally alchemized lotion. Sadly, said player has not posted in the necrophilia subforum since his discovery, which included pictures. This is likely because a lurker tracked him down using pictures of his face that he provided. Efforts to reproduce lotion continue to this day."


	6. so you have a friend now

**section 6: so you have a friend now**

this is pretty much the worst thing that can happen to a pk-er. eventually, you let your guard down, and you end up making a friend. maybe you talked to the heart player too much, or maybe this pk shit is too much for you and you need to settle down, and now you're all happy and shit with a friend. now, having a friend isn't bad if, say, that friend is also a pk-er who isn't stronger than you are. also, if you're a fucking sociopath, you probably won't feel any emotional connection to people you get close with, and you won't have an issue with them. fuck people like that, tbh. just a warning to anyone non-pk-ers who are reading this to find me PLEASE KILL basedRolex INSTEAD OF ME HE'S FUCKING CRAZY DUDE OMG.

 

 

************************

there are game abstractions for this kind of stupid shit, you faggot

************************

usually when you're too attached to someone, usually a specimen of the opposite sex, you'll be given the same bit of advice by every pk-er ever. i mean, after you get fucking laughed out of the forum straight into bitch ass bitch town with your homies Fagshit and Cuntpunt... but after that you'll be told that your best bet is to go grimdark. a lot of cautious players like to warn everyone that going grimdark is a VERY DANGEROUS ABSTRACTION and it'll fuck you up. well, guess what? i'm all about danger, man. and going grimdark is the straight up 100% foolproof path to totally becoming an emotionless piece of shit, but only temporarily.

you don't find guides on how to go grimdark, because usually people don't come back from it, and people who do come back from it are an emotional wreck who cry and poop their baby diapers. well faggot, put on your fucking pullup because it's toddler time. going grimdark is some easy shit if you're in an emotionally vulnerable position, like having  _friends lmao_... unless you're a prospit dreamer, then sometimes things can get more complicated.

as a derse dreamer, just go the fuck to sleep. when you're on derse, all sleep and shit, leave whatever building you're in, and fly up. don't stop flying up. just fly and fly and fly and fly. why? well, you see, the massive void that's surrounding derse contains some serious shit that you want to get cozy with. usually in any session past your first, the big tentacle guys up there aren't all that aggressive, and the ones that are are pretty laughable to anyone who isn't a breath player. just take it easy and make some requests. if you can make some screaming noises to please the guys, do so. soon enough you'll get just this static in your head. i'm not talking phever static, i mean like straight up white noise tearing at your skull. from there, you've got two choices. the first is to die LMAO and the second is to just listen. it's gonna be quiet where you are. so laying back, closing your eyes, and listening won't be an issue. you'll hear voices in there, and they're gonna tell you to do some stupid shit that you don't wanna do.

 

************************

brain buddies

************************

you've earned yourself the only real friend that you need, or "friends" really, and they're all in your head. you've got an array of voices that will be telling you to do some stupid shit, like blowing EVERYTHING THE FUCK UP, but man you don't have time for that. when you're grimdark, you've got to fucking prioritize, and that means killing shit. unfortunately, most of the stuff i've told you before this point will be useless, because going grimdark means you lose all of your abilities, including  **[Phrenic Phever]**. and although the thought of not having to deal with the phever sounds appealing, staying grimdark for any significant period of time will only dampen your grasp on your session, and soon enough you won't be able to resist completely ruining everything. so just kill whoever you used to be friends with and get it over with. **  
**

now what do you do next? well, i hope that you aren't already grimdark, because this next part may SHOCK you... you need to flat out die. die on your god tier bed thingy, and come back. you'll be cleansed of your dark thoughts and like new! actually, no, that's not true. a sudden flood of emotion will probably overwhelm you, because you haven't felt them in a while, and you'll be in a lot of grief and turmoil over what you've just done. i guess i can name this state of mind, it's called **[Being A Total Baby Loser]** , and if you don't get over it soon you're going to probably piss off everyone on the forum with your depressive and mopey way of speaking. there's one very important thing you gotta always remember as a pk-er, even though your existence may seem counter intuitive to it. you have to finish the game. you need to let that shit go, man, and with every session put that shit behind you.

you aren't going through this shit because you want to, most of us aren't. when you accidentally get yourself into this, you need to forget about the shit you thought you knew beforehand. it doesn't matter anymore. you need to let go of the stupid things you used to care about, man. i'm just being real. all you can do is put your chin up, kill more people, and fuck more cadavers.

 

************************

but what of grimbark

************************

this is pretty simple. sometimes you'll end up with a sprite that's dog related. that's fine, but usually being a dog person means that you're going to have a lot of dog thoughts. and that means you aren't going grimdark, plain and simple. you're going fucking grimbark.

overall you won't be very different, but you do gain a new passive as well as an urge to bark a lot. this passive is going to do nothing but make you want some fucking doggy treats. you got someone smart on your team? they're going to use doggy treats against you. hell yes, they most definitely will.

if you have a dog sprite, play it safe and don't go grimdark. there's other ways of doing things.

 

************************

stop cheating, you fucking sboob

************************

maybe you should take on a different train of thought. i think it's easier to kill the people you like than it is people you don't like. because when you like someone, it gets easier and easier to justify murder as releasing your friends from this ungodly cycle. it sucks, this game sucks, and regardless of what other people think you just might be  _doing these people a fucking favor_ by taking them out of this all, indefinitely. who knows, maybe sburb has some death mechanic and they just wake up back in their room, before they played this game, and everything's way better. that's a nice thought.

sometimes you're just gonna have to be the hero in all this... the game defines death as heroism already anyway. if you haven't noticed, yet, you can die when you're god tier, as long as it's heroic or "just"... not that it fucking matters anyway, it's no issue circumventing god tier and pk-ing some fucking schmuck. but if this game is gonna go off and say that a death can be heroic, why can't a murder be the same? killing people you don't like should be the hardest part of playing the game, because honestly some people should just suffer by sticking around here for-fucking-ever. and i guess that's why it's so important to not die as a pk-er. not because you'll be relentlessly mocked on the forum, but because we don't deserve that shit. fuck that.


	7. great bugs to abuse greatly

**section 40: great bugs to abuse greatly**

this game is broken. like hell is it broken, every single aspect of this game is a buggy broken piece of shit, i'm talking straight up mean meme machine tier of flat out fucking busted ass grills here. you play this game, bitch you yourself might as well be a fucking bug since it seems like everything breaks the moment  _you_ touch it, you crazy fuck.

there's some advantages to this. a couple people on skaianet have found really nice glitches, in fact, that can make life easier. unfortunately, most of the time these cozy fucks find bugs they're shit that is either a. hard to hide from your team or b. helpful for everyone. not necessarily because it's a requirement of the forum, but moreso because everyone wants to be a lot more happy and the more helpful your bug is the closer to that we get.

i mean, get this: speedrunners out there have exploits that flat out finish this fucking game in three, maybe even two months. i've heard legends of a group of some robust ass fuckers going hog wild and doing this shit in a fucking  _month_. why the fuck would we sit here looking like a bunch of limpdick turbovirgins just playing the game as it's supposed to be played? i don't understand anyone's thought process behind this, especially when most of the coolest sequence breaks only MIGHT kill you. and let me tell you right now faggot, i'm willing to take this risk right up the butt.

 

************************

minor bugs

************************

 **awakening on prospit/derse early** **:** for any capable witch can awaken in their dream kingdom early. there's no secret to it, just go to sleep before you even enter the medium. you'll be able to do whatever the fuck you wanna do.

 **combining healing gels:**  this will, at the least, make healing gels useful in midgame. i don't think there's any really great healing items for lategame, and there probably never will be any. anyway, a server player who hovers their mouse over a healing gel will get the little tooltip. now, you need to look real nice in the little bottom left corner there, and nearly fucking greyed out is a little tiny button, in all lowercase, that says stack. if you click it, it'll seem like nothing's happening. just type in the number of gels you want to stack and hit enter. BAM. healing gels can combine upward to 10. 10 fucking healing gels as one item. the only real issue is that the gels go through colors of the rainbow as they increase by 1 in a stack, and after 7 they turn flat out invisible. there is another exploit involving this feature that i'll detail later.

 **stacking dungeons:**  marginally useful for early game grinding, if you enter a dungeon to trigger procedural generation in a dungeon a couple seconds before midnight (when dungeons naturally erase enemies and replace them with fresh ones), you'll end up spawning twice the enemies. you can even do it a couple times to get shit loads of enemies at once.  **FUCKING ALERT FROM FUTURE SG**  DO NOT DO THIS MORE THAN ONCE OR YOU WILL SPAWN OHGODWHATS. THERE IS ONLY SO MANY SPAWN POINTS PER DUNGEON. HOLY FUCK.

 **calibrating broken gates:**  hey man... so you got a broken gate. they flashing and spark and shit. some fools will tell you not to touch them, because you might get teleported straight into the middle of a brick fucking wall. well, you can fix them. a little bit. the only problem is that you have to use them at least once. when you do, if you survive, you can return to said gate and it will now permanently teleport things to only that location. so, if it took you somewhere cool, great! somewhere useless, oh well! somewhere deadly, how are you even alive?

 **feeling the rhythm:** here's a NEAT trick. you can activate multiple fraymotifs at the same time, kind of. when you activate one and attempt to activate another, you'll get a little sad face emoticon to tell you "no way buster", but in reality you did activate it. you can't hear the music, though, so you have to time hits to be in tune with both songs, and you can't hear one of them. good luck.

 **visiting another player's moon:** this is totally, completely useless, until everyone else is dead. considering the game usually has business that needs attending to on BOTH moons, you'll want to have access to both once you're the only person left. just go to another player's planet and sleep on their land bed. you'll wake up there wearing your own moon's outfit.  **BE CAREFUL**  because talking to any guards or shit at either of the royal castle things there will draw aggro. citizens will usually ignore you, and shop prices are tripled.

 **increase the maximum comfiness of your pajamas:** this isn't actually a bug, but it's a fucking dank trick. on your planet, head over to whatever seamstress you have. she'll give you a quest to deliver some fabrics and shit to the PM. do so, and when you return, she'll improve the comfiness stat of your pajamas. that shit is fucking dope dude. just watch out, because she has to "improve" it while you're wearing it, and if you move around too much you'll get pricked. ouch!

 **recruiting dd as a guy:**  if you actually get the hang of using multiple fraymotifs, then this will really help as a guy. if you're a prospit dreamer and you awaken on derse through the bug i explained earlier, dd will treat you like a girl. no problem. he'll stop following you if you initiate any dialogues with him off of derse, but you won't need to anyway.

 

************************

major bugs

************************

 **negative healing gels:** if you don't have any singular healing gels in inventory and attempt to, say, add 9 healing gels to 1, the value starts going back down. combine 10 and 10, the gel heals 0. 10 and 20, and the value is -10. if you aren't a doom player, then this will be your best poison.

 **make everything taste like pancakes:** this would be a minor bug if it didn't work with all kinds of breakfast foods. alchemize, say, an apple with bacon. insert bacapple into alchemiter to get back your two items. the bacon will taste like an apple, the apple will taste like bacon. you can swap around any and all flavors like this, to make even the most disgusting shit (aka anything that isn't hella expensive to make) taste great.

 **talk to the denizen early:**   **ONLY USE THIS IF YOU'RE COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY FUCKED IN ALL SENSES OF THE WORD. YOU WILL DIE. YOU ARE GOING TO DIE. ONLY USE IT IF YOU HAVE TO.**  just fuckin olly outy off your roof straight past your gates and enter the last one.

 **skip land quests:** i don't know this bug, but i'll just throw it out here. i had a session with a speedrunner who flat out skipped his land quests (SIX MONTHS OF WORLDBUILDING) and came to kill everyone else so he didn't have to wait for them. man, that's some dope-ass shit. no one on the forum believes me when i say this, but it fucking happened man, that shit totally happened. lmao

 **wrong warping:** only your first and seventh gate know where to warp you at all times. the five gates between them will warp you to random locations, depending on what point in your land quests you are. want to skip earthsea borealis? when you've given the quest, enter your fourth gate (do NOT touch your second or fifth gates, both of them teleport you in the fucking ground) and you'll be warped straight to the island, with your clone dead. i advise you DON'T experiment with this like some idiots do, and instead read the Wrong Warping thread in the sequence breaking section of the forums.  DON'T FUCKING DO ANYTHING THAT arborealGarrison POSTS, BECAUSE THEY WILL ALL GET YOU KILLED.

 **abusing the debug npc:** if you get a debug npc, there are two things that can happen. the thing with either prototype itself and send everything to shit, or a smart group of players will capture it and keep it from fucking shit up. guess what? that fucker is loyal. he will do WHATEVER you tell him to do, all the time. just make sure that you don't get in trouble, or else it will do something retarded to save you, like... prototyping itself or something idk. and then shit will hit the fan.

abusing the debug npc was actually one of the first great breakthroughs in speedrunning, because it took so long for anyone to be willing to risk throwing a session by fucking around with that green faggot. it's a lot easier when you're a pk-er without much to live for, though. anyway, the debug npc has a variety of really useful powers, like adjusting the size of objects, shit tons of speed (if he's big enough you can use him as a mount) and telepathy. you can ride in on your debug npc, use him to freeze everyone else, then kill them. and that fucker won't blink. maybe because he doesn't have eyes.  **WARNING: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO HAVE SEX WITH YOUR DEBUG NPC. DON'T DO IT.**


	8. shit you should know

**~ guide to player-killing in sburb ~**

**\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

 

**section 1: shit you should know**

 

so i'll be honest when i say that i've never had someone approach me and ask, man subtleGraces just how do you do what you do. i've never had someone outright try and learn from me (the master) and most people who actually figure out what i do get all butthurt or something. those people are faggots.

 

************************

should i be a pk-er

************************

alright my apprentice, if you take this guide seriously and aren't just trying to get your grubby little fingers on my "broken psyche" or something retarded like that, then you may wonder what sets a pk-er apart from a normal person stuck in this shit tier game for the rest of their natural existence. my answer is: idk man. i remember my first head pretty vividly, but that doesn't mean that i know what really struck a chord in me and made me want to kill people more. i mean, other than the obligation invoked by **[Phrenic Phever]** , of course.

all i can tell you is that if you want to player-kill, try it. if you aren't meant for it, then you'll probably be able to evoke enough sympathy from your friends to get away with one kill, and then you'll never do it again. after all, people who AREN'T meant for player-killing don't get the phever, and thus team mates usually know not to kill them. but, if you do...

 

************************

phrenic phever

************************

a good sign that you're meant for player-killing is getting the  **[Phrenic Phever]** passive after killing another player. if you're reading this guide after you've killed someone and you haven't gotten it, sorry kid, you're not cut out for the job. you'll break down and cry after getting more than two heads. if you did get it, i'm sure you're having a terrible headache right about now. because that's what  **[Phrenic Phever]** does. it gives you horrible headaches to punish you for killing another player, and they only get worse as they go along. normally this would be a fantastic anti-pk mechanic. put a player through physical pain to discourage them from ever killing again. unfortunately, the coders of sburb never actually thought that you maybe WOULD kill again, and when you do,  **[Phrenic Phever]** resets, meaning that your headache's pain value goes back down to 1, and starts increasing again. this means, ha ha!, you're best of killing more if you get this shit.

now, you might be thinking, why exactly would NOT getting  **[Phrenic Phever]** mean you're not a good pk-er? well, that's obvious! if sburb thinks you're so lame at pk-ing that it doesn't need to discourage you from it, then chances are you aren't fit for it! kinda sucks, but it's the truth. that's the price to pay.

 

************************

just saiyan

************************

so with the above section you learn that there's a price to pay for killing, and it sticks with you forever. worst is that we've got self-righteous fucks like abyssalBuprofen who dedicate themselves to peacefully stopping pk-ers and making them good again not believing a word you say about the phever and thinking it's just an excuse. no, the phever doesn't encourage you to kill, but maybe it just pisses you off to constantly hear bitter 13-year olds thoughts about how you're such a douche and it makes you wanna teach them a lesson.

you're not going to like this price, but with it you become a hero. we the people of the player-killing community all know that with each head we get and each shiny little pendant we wear around our neck we're releasing someone from this hell and we're stopping it through our own actions. the spirits you've released and the notches on your belt of head upon head (or the online database of pk-ing records, check it out @ http://www.ocu3xxh6pk2jprgscoreboard.onion/) only indicate how many people you've stopped from suffering, and shit, that's usually all it takes from keeping you from just flat out killing YOURSELF. just remember, pal, you're a real hero........ HA. not really. i just kill because it's fun. i'm sure you do too.

do you agree to the above? have you gotten over the phever? good.

**let's do this shit buddy**


	9. archive of scoreboard

**RANKINGS**

 

**1\.     SBG     999**

****2\.     ART     945** **

**3\.     TTC     478**

****4\.     SWR     236** **

**5\.     GGP     223**

****6\.     EJD      201** **

**7\.     RGC     175**

****8\.     RSC     144** **

**9\.     WLF     102**

**10\.     MJL     097**

 

**NOTES**

 

sbg, duh, that's me

art, my buddy artificialTellurium

ha who put ttc in there

stopwatchRendevous, never gotten to talk to him...

gattlinggunPride, i haven't talked to him in a while. anyone on the forum know his location?

ejd is actually edgedCrucifix, guessing ejd is some kind of stylization

rgc, regicidalCourtship, he's been dead for a while now....

rsc is runescapeClassic. no comment.

wlf, no clue who this is? i don't think anyone with 102 heads is important enough to fall on my radar

mjl is a new name too... hm...


	10. personal stories

**section 44: personal stories**

more stories may be added as they happen to me

 

**my first kill**

just so you know: i don't really find it ethical to glorify your first kill. although ones after that are usually easy to stylize and entirely necessary in order to quell  **[Phrenic Phever]** , your first is never something you want to do. the most popular figures that we've got on skaianet preach nonviolence and talk about how player-killers are practically the worst breed of human being in this game, why the fuck would anyone want to intentionally become a player-killer? so yeah, just saying, i don't think anyone becomes a player-killer willingly.

first off: i never knew that speedrunners usually look like backpacking faggots. i expected a speedrunner to look like some sleep deprived fuckhead with messy hair and shit, not a chill guy wearing flannel and plastic frame glasses. in fact, i kind of thought the guy was alright. unlike probably 40% of the people you meet, he wasn't some unhinged preteen who claimed they were trans-horrorterror, or some fucking grey-painted nut who insisted on typing in all caps... he seemed normal to me. so we hit it off. he wasn't very talkative or any shit like that, in fact we only talked twice, the first being when the game started, and the second being before i killed him. but shit, we still roleplayed together.

as a heart player, i was capable of hacking my alchemiter in order to produce higher-tiered weaponry. more often than not, this spells death for any fucking idiot. but, as i'd told the guy, i'd been in maybe fifteen sessions by this point (keep in mind that, when you aren't going for a full session wipe, games take like 7 or 8 months) and thus had a pretty decent knowledge of surviving. if i had asked him how many sessions he had been in, shit i probably would have known what he was up to. but i didn't.

shortly after both me and another girl in my session finished our land quests, he hits me up on pesterchum. of course i don't remember the conversation word for word, but it went along the lines of "come over to my planet, i found something cool" and i didn't question it, because i didn't really care enough to think about it a lot. i fly over pretty quickly and, after maybe an hour, find his house, not even really built up that high. i land right next to him and shit, the guy's turned into my exact vision of a speedrunner. his hair's fucked up and the bags under his eyes are off-putting as hell... but he had a pretty cool eye-computer-thing set up so it wasn't really noticeable. i ask him what's up and he leads me over to the balcony on his house, where he's set up not only an alchemiter, but also a fucking supercomputer looking thing with wires running all over the fucking place, plugged up into the thing.

i'm like "shit man what the heck is going on" and he explains some shit to me that eventually ends with "it's totally safe for you to hack the thing." and guess what? i trusted him. like hell i trusted him, and i busted thing thing open and did my heart thing on it and BOOM. the supercomputer is chugging and giving a display of items the alchemiter can build. i get a goofy ass grin because the shit we're about to make is fucking miles ahead of what we need, we would finish the session in five months flat with what we're able to make. i walk up and he pushes me back like "yo chill let me do some shit" so i wait, about to piss in excitement.

finally after ten minutes of loud CLICK CLACK from his keyboard, this guy turns around and says i get first pick on what we're gonna make. so me, with my fucking AWESOME shoestringkind, make the  **PREMIUM YEEZY RED OCTOBER SHOESTRING OF FUCKING**  and bitch you know i'm excited. he makes some really weird objects that don't make sense, 90% of which i don't remember, but the point is that it seems to make no sense. when he's done spitting out arrays of books and soda cans and other useless shit he's like "alright man kill me and put me on my bed" so i do. keep in mind that killing a player to help them ascend is hardly counted as a player-kill, so i was in the clear for now. i fly off to the highest spire on his land (land of anime and static btw) and lay him on the bed. like usual, ascending can take a while to actually trigger and thus involves a lot of waiting for anything to happen. finally the guy shoots into the air and bam he's god tier.

we fly back and he takes the array of items he made, sticks them into the alchemiter, and stands right on the pad and is like "alright man now i need you to combine me with all this shit." and i'm like fucking what. he tells me it'll make him a robot suit and shit so i trust him and i do, looking at the recipe it indeed makes a suit for probably 60% of our total collected grist, but it doesn't matter since we're about to finish the game anyway. i combine it all, and in a massive flash of light... i black out.

when i come to, the house is in ruins. the faggot's flying up in the air, screaming in pain and shit and it's clear that i hacked the alchemiter wrong, somehow. when i stand, he looks down and sees me and like some shitty indie drama film he's like "you did this to me........." and he slams down and we fight.

i don't really remember how it went down. but he was dead in the end.

the session went on maybe a month longer with me suffering from splitting headaches before it ended as a total wipe. after annihilating the black king and queen i just kinda sat there, at the final credits, staring at the replay option for hours. and i sat there for a long time. i just sat there, as long as i could, maybe days or weeks, before my headache returned. i kicked the exit door, i pushed it, i pulled it, but i kept getting the same error noise you always get.


End file.
